More than anything, this experience was giving me a perspective on life. Nothing made me more aware of this than thinking of Pete, a friend of ours. The trees, the smell, the sense of realness, the adventure, the call of the ducks, the splash of the grayling and the love Bridget and I felt for everything, are all something he would never feel. He never allowed himself to. He had busied himself trying to be successful and to fit into society. But he failed – and so hung himself from the rafters of his home.

Nobody found him until the paper lady enquired about her bill. He was a happy go lucky chap, always ready for a debate and had a smile to brighten any room. He was intellectual and knowledgeable, and it really angers me to think he would dare do such a thing. He had money troubles that wouldn’t go away, which is apparently why he escaped. I really hope that is not true. Money troubles are the worst reason to kill yourself. Life is not a free meal, and should not be thrown away when you’ve had enough or it’s cold and a bit tough. It’s worth fighting for and it can be whatever you want. That’s the amazing thing. It can be whatever you want. I feel so sad about Pete. With a little help, and a lot of fight, he could have got out of his troubles and be lying here smelling the pines just like I was.

- 

Unfortunately, a post-mortem revealed [the bear] had no one’s buttocks in its belly. The girl survived but with serious injuries. She was on holiday from university, where she was on a basketball scholarship. Dawson, a town of 2,000 people, raised $20,000 in two nights to help pay for her medical expenses. What a town! The place is incredible. It is full of people that look as if they should be selling The Big Issue outside WH Smiths, but instead they break trail, shoot grizzlies, chew tobacco, dig for gold, shit in the woods and that’s only on Tuesdays. One couple, only two winters ago, went into the Tombstone Mountains on a dog sled. They got lost and only made it back several months later, having survived by eating their dogs and walking out.

“Go on, shoot,” whispered Brent as I lay in the snow with the cross hairs of the scope on the chest of the young bull. I didn’t want to tell him that I had trouble putting a worm on a fishing hook, never mind killing such a perfect creature.

I took a deep breath and focused in on the bull once more. Adrenaline was shaking my body as I tried desperately to steady the rifle for the shot. I squeezed the trigger and for a split second everything around me went silent and dark…

…I sank to my knees and took a deep breath as I stared at the poor creatures we had destroyed. The sun was setting in a purple haze framed by tall white mountains on the horizon, but next to me lay death. I didn’t feel proud of myself and fought off guilt as we dragged the carcasses together. I was relieved it was over though, and the thought that we wouldn’t waste their lives calmed me. In front of me was at least six months’ worth of good wholesome meat and three skins that could be made into winter clothes.